Dextrose!

Dextrose, simple sugar and carbohydrate supreme. I never thought something like dextrose would need to be promoted, but then I came across this ad during one of my magazine forays. I don’t think I’ve ever heard the phrase “America’s finest packaged desserts…” before reading this ad and I’m still not sure it’s an endorsement. Now we read processed foods and, even if we don’t listen, the doctor voice in the back of our minds starts making disapproving noises. I’m guessing the ad executives who put this one together had an inkling they were on thin ice too since they resort to putting prepared in quotes.

Corn Products Refining Company (now the innocuously named Ingredion) was based in Westchester, IL and manufactured dextrose from corn (read corn syrup) as well as raw materials for corn starch and corn oil. In 1955 the company got in trouble with the IRS for its hedging practices and ended up appearing before the Supreme Court. They lost the case and wound up on the short end of the IRS’ tax paddle. Something tells me there isn't enough dextrose food-energy sugar in the world to sweeten a dish of back-taxes.

What drew me to the ad was the maniacal cheerleader-cow girl-patriotic-fairy mascot. She’s got those helter-skelter eyes that say she really needs to cut back on the coffee and the corn sweetener and possibly start a course of anti-psychotics before someone gets hurt. I can’t imagine a mom looking at that image and saying, “yeah, that’s what I want in my kid…the jitter fairy.”